Alirez is my dear friend. Today, His friend and colleage has passed away. when I heard this bad news I become very sad and very depressed. I am always scary about detah. I ask youself: why death is so horribe ifor me? fear of deach try to show me somthing. It alarms me: hey you are not on a right way. you are not what you want. mr death, you are right I am far away from our real self.
I had a terrible habit or behavoir. at School, at group of friends, at work, anywhere I try to satisfied others. I try hide your interests. thoughts, hopes and dreams. always first I try to satisfy other people. in chating, in writing, in working, in reading and etc. why? why I have such a low self steem? I want to hit yourself. I always imagine on my mind such a person that tapped in a hole. Every day I move. Every day I scream. every day I throw my roap to find a way to exit from this dark place. I can’t. I get older and older not physcality but mentaly. my soul is under pressure. when I think about what I done in life It is just wasting my time or spending time on other goal and interest not me. Now I feel deppresed. I feel lonely. I feel I alone in a big and busy world. I feel I have not any close friend. Ali, what a hell with you? why dont try you cut these bends? why dont you follow you interest? if today you die you die like a shit whitou any feel about world and humans in it. Damn it.